You should know where I'm coming from
by Bookjunk
Summary: Beware: I'm not a FSoG fan. Christian tries to warn Ana.


Warning:

If Christian Grey is your dream guy, if you think that Ana is a strong and smart woman, if you believe that their relationship is the stuff epic romances are made of: this story is not for you. Contrary to what people may think, my purpose is not to antagonise or troll fans. I simply like writing snarky FSoG stories and sharing them with people who like to read snarky FSoG stories. Therefore, I want my stories to be read by people who are likely to enjoy them. So, if you are a Christian/Ana/FSoG fan? You are hereby warned. You will probably not like this.

Explanation:

Several commenters on my previous FSoG stories have expressed that they are either baffled or offended that someone who is not a fan of FSoG is writing FSoG fanfiction.

To those who are offended: I will continue to write what I like to write, regardless of your outrage. And, no, I will not post my stories on another site. Just because it's called 'fanfiction' doesn't mean that I have to be a fan to write a story about something. This is just as much my site as it is your site.

Writing FSoG fanfiction as a non-fan has not adversely affected me, by the way. My mental health is fine. Your concern is touching, though!

To those who are baffled: Let's start at the beginning. Why did I read the books? If I don't like them, I simply shouldn't read them, right? This is such a weird argument to me, because how am I supposed to know that I don't like the books when I haven't read them?

So, I read the FSoG books and I didn't like them. I think the books are extremely badly written. I think Ana and Christian's relationship is abusive. I think that Christian is arrogant and manipulative. I think that Ana is snotty and stupid. Yet, I'm writing FSoG fanfiction. Why?

First of all, I like to write fanfiction. Canon can be fun, but it's limited. I like to write about things I would have liked to have seen happen in canon. That is why Christian almost always dies in my stories. It's my way of 'fixing' FSoG. (Note that it is strictly _my opinion_ that the books need 'fixing' and that having Christian die is a way of 'fixing' them).

Secondly, the majority of people who read FSoG fanfiction may be fans, but there are also plenty of people who (like me) didn't exactly love the books and are looking for some snark. For my and their enjoyment, I provide them with that snark.

Thirdly, I am amazed by your bafflement. I write 'Beware: I'm not a FSoG fan' in the summary of all my FSoG stories. Therefore, before reading the story, you already know that I am not a fan. You also know that you should 'beware,' which to any functioning literate would read like a warning that I will, at the very least, be critical of a work of fiction and/or fictional characters that you like.

See, when I picked up FSoG, I expected an erotic love story, because that's how the book is marketed. What I got instead was a crappily written depiction of two insufferable idiots in an abusive relationship. You, on the other hand, knew what to expect when you clicked on my story. It's very hard for me to take you seriously when you then proceed to complain in a review that I should not be writing FSoG fanfiction because I'm not a fan. You were informed beforehand and you chose to read my story anyway. You only have yourself to blame for your disappointment.

If you still feel the need to flame: feel free. Seriously, go ahead. Flame away. I neither mind nor care.

 **You should know where I'm coming from**

'You should stay away from me,' Christian warned. He'd said this many, many times before. Never with quite the same sincerity, though.

'Okay,' Ana meekly agreed. He could see in her eyes that she didn't want to and wasn't going to. So soon, Christian thought. She had fallen for him already. Well, for the beauty and the mystery. Not the real him.

The real Christian Grey was destined to stay alone; knowing that this was the way it was supposed to be. He couldn't risk feeling sorry for himself. Self-pity was the first step to embarking on a new relationship that was bound to fail. He had to keep reminding himself that he deserved to be lonely. More than some woman deserved to be held as a virtual prisoner by him, anyway. He wasn't entitled to happiness. Not at the expense of someone else's happiness. It was his duty to be the sensible one. It was not a role he was comfortable with. He sighed.

'I will hurt you,' he stated, in an attempt to break the spell. He felt exhausted at having to go through this again. Would they ever listen? What about 'I will hurt you' did they not understand?

'You could never!' Ana protested, clearly shocked. For whatever reason, she trusted him. Entirely misplaced trust based on nothing. The girl was a mess. He grabbed her wrists and pulled her to him. She winced at the pain. Good, he thought. Maybe now she'd believe him. Better now than later.

'Listen to me, Ana,' Christian urged. 'I _will_ hurt you. It's not a matter of me wanting to, though I do, very much. It's almost beyond my control. I will break your heart. I will break _you._ It's what I do. I can't help it. I've been in therapy for years and years and I'm still the same asshole. I don't change. I'm beginning to think that I'm incapable of change.'

'No,' she murmured, weakly.

'Yes. I'm not telling you about what might happen; I'm telling you about what will definitely happen. If you and I become we, I will turn you into a wreck. I want things no one can give. You'll try, but it won't be enough. It will never be enough. You'll end up a shadow of your former self and I'll end up hating myself more than I already do,' he told her. She shook her head, rejecting the idea, the notion, the reality.

'You won't,' she whispered with tears in her eyes. 'You won't hurt me.'

I am, he wanted to scream. I am hurting you at this very moment, he wanted to point out. Instead, he pushed her away from him.

'You're right, because I'm putting a stop to this right now,' he said. She shook her head.

'You're joking,' she insisted. Her voice was shaky. She was trembling. Trembling and crying.

'I'm not. I'm not… I don't know why I'm saying this. It's an explanation, I guess. You won't see me again. I won't call or write. If you want to call me: don't. I won't accept your calls. Forget we ever met.'

'That's impossible,' Ana said. Christian heard something akin to panic in her voice. It didn't give him pause. Her alarm only strengthened his resolve.

'I'm making it possible,' he replied. The amount of control he wanted in a relationship was simply not healthy. His need for domination stifled, smothered and suffocated according to Flynn, who had used all of those words to describe Christian's behaviour. Every time he tried to be with a woman, he figuratively squeezed the life out of her. He could see what he was doing and, yet, he wouldn't be able to stop. If he let go a little, it felt as if he didn't have enough air himself. He couldn't breathe unless he strangled the person he was with. It was as if he needed to tear someone else down before he could feel good about himself. It was sick. And there was nothing he could do about it, except stay away from people.

'Please, Christian,' Ana mumbled, holding out her hand.

'Fuck off,' he bit at her. She reacted as if being slapped and looked at him with those big, blue, beautiful eyes of hers. Tears were streaming down her delicate face. Everything about her was lovely. Her back as she walked away. Her hand as she reached for the door. Her profile as she glanced back; hoping that he'd change his mind. Christian drank in every detail of her departure, because he knew that he would never see her again.

Finally, the door swung shut with a soft click. Christian relaxed and sat back in his chair. Closing his eyes, he remembered the start of this – their last - conversation. Instead of delivering his standard warning, he'd wanted so desperately to say something else to her.

' _Convince me that I'm not a monster.'_

Maybe she would have succeeded for a while – she might even have loved him - but there was no denying the truth. He was a monster. And the monster doesn't get the girl. The monster gets killed at the end of the story.

The end.


End file.
